WARNING: the contents of this lj may contain subject matter which is inappropriate for assholes and losers. Reader discretion is advised

Congratulations, you've reached my livejournal. I'm Rainy Janie. As I type this, I am currently in my teens, but don't let my age fool you. Some of the world's greatest scholars cannot decipher the meaning behind some of my words. Ok so, this is my lj, not my vagina so chances are, I might not check on it every single day. On second thought, I kinda have no life, so I probably will. Don't make that face like Im the only one. I bet you know what you had for dinner last night and only losers know what they had for dinner last night so ha! Anywayz, welcome to my life...don't get lost.

Anyone think this is a scam?

BLYTHE ART GALLERIES

Dear Rep BAT6843,
After necessary verification, I am happy to inform you that your application with Blyth Arts Gallery Inc! has been successful. I will give you further details in the subsequent email and also a company brochure and self aid kit will will be sent to you in due time, this will help you learn more about us as well as your duties.
Your Responsibilities
You will be reaching out to our prospective clients in your State by posting Catalogs and Mails to them through USPS,UPS, FEDEX and DHL.(we will keep you posted with the addresses of where the catalogs will be distributed)
Please be informed that you will be working two days per week and 2-3 hours each day depending how fast you can handle the mails.Your minimum weekly imbursement will be $400 which is subject to increase as time goes on and additional $90 for buying stamps and envelops.The working days and hours are flexible so let us the days you will be available to work.
Your First Primary task
1. Find out the nearest post office to you
2. Find out the UPS or FedEx offices nearest to you
3. Find out the cost of USPS stamps from the post office
The company will need to send you first week imbursement and cost of posting materials (like Stamps and Envelops) you will nee d before sending the mails and catalogs to you.
Kindly reconfirm your details by filling the form below so payment can be issued out to you as soon as possible.
Please email the following information so that we can add your personal details to continue with the recruitment process.

This post is in regards to growing up.

Hey, hi, hello. This is the year 2008, meaning YES, we did it. Yep, we graduated. You know what usually happens after graduation? Well, most people get these things called "lives", some which entail highly busy schedules...especially when attending a one month, 12 hours a day, highly extensive summer program. These sort of things can leave little time for social relations...moreover social relations with persons who do the bare minimum in an effort to preserve a friendship. Now, if you feel that I've been neglecting you or not bothering to keep contact, this can mean one of two things. One, Im busy and you fail to understand this. Two, you just need something to talk about now that high school is over. Either way, I could care less. I mean, sure, you probably at some point were my best of friends. If you were, then you should know Im kinda just busy, not completely ignoring you. If you fail to feel this way about things, well, in layman's terms, thats just too damn bad. And if you want to write a novel about how grimey, wicked, uncaring, selfish, etc I am, be my guest. Be sure to shoot me a message via the many ways there are possible to contact me, that is, if you haven't deleted them all yet ;)

If you feel betrayed, hurt, bored, etc by the fact that you feel I haven't bothered to keep in contact, then Im sorry you feel this way. Just bare in mind, it takes two to destroy a relationship...and it's moreso on the behalf of the person who failed to speak up about how they felt.

Now Im done. Im done with this need based friendship stuff that is a characteristic of junior high and nothing more. I, just as Im sure you do, have more important things to worry about...like life and such. If you're offended by this post, chances are, it's your very own fault. If not, go on as you have been with your daily roundabouts. I'm done with this lj account, but the invitation is still open to anyone who wants to contact me shalisa.c@gmail.com, 347.236.2593. If I ever hear from you, I do. If not, hey, that's life.

Enjoy.

Didn't go to school today. Instead, I went to the doctor. Got a shot...some blood drawn, and a referal to a chiropractor. Lovely.

Date:	2008-05-04 23:30
Subject:	bring me flowers
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	bring me flowers - hope

OM OM. Guess what guys! Los parentals surprised me with a brand new laptop! An acer like I've been wanting and I am OH SO FRICKIN HAPPY. In other words -- I'm back! Yay!

Although I suffered near drastic withdrawal, losing my other laptop was one of the best things to happen to me. I was addicted and obsessed before. Now, I spend more time doing other things and actually talking lol. I'm so frickin happy to have a new laptop, but I don't think I'll be using it as much.

Date:	2008-04-22 23:09
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	when you look me in the eyes - jonas brothers

I'm sleepy. Tonight I went to a book study...my first. Tato came too. I felt bad, he was waiting for a ride because he didnt drive today and it was all dark and gangsta status outside lol. I wanted to protect him, so I told him to stay in my building. It wasnt a guarantee, but hey, he got home in one piece lol.

As of Friday, I officially sent in all my Columbia acceptances. Yes!

I'm so sleepy...and I feel a headache coming on. I better get to bed soon.

Date:	2008-04-17 22:11
Subject:	yet you never ask me why
Security:	Public
Mood:	good
Music:	tears of pearls - savage garden

I lubb my Angie daughter <3

Today was a school baseball game. It sucked some near serious arse. Physics teacher needs to train them better...or get a new team. Taters dropped by and stayed too which was really kewl. He rocks.

Yesterday, after taking the senior group pic at the promenade, everyone decided to hang out. So Emily, Jherelle, Hammi, Matthew, and Yoshi went to idk...someplace...and me and Angie hung around the promenade for a bit, then headed towards the mall. We met up with Tato and we rode in his smexy car. Now, apparently, Matt finds out about this and goes into a bitch fit. Am I supposed to care? I mean, he runs around everywhere with his new found best friends, and do you see me crying over that? Yeah, no. Drama is stupid...and old...and I'm over it.

Date:	2008-04-14 20:21
Subject:	yeah, hows bout u kiss arse?
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed

Ok, so here's the thing...I REFUSE to be saw as the bad person in any situation. You're hurt? So effing what?!? You're doing your own shit anyways. Secondly, it's not like you're telling me anything or saying anything about what's bothering you. So what, I'm like best frickin friends with your going-in-the-right-direction cousin. Evidently, there's a reason for that. Hey you? Yeah, you have no idea who means what to me and what I do with who, just as I haven't a damn clue as to your whereabouts...so let's leave it at that. Get over yourself, kay?

I was in a pretty good mood today...which is kinda dwindling...in no relation to that ^

Ugh, whatever.

One Tree Hill tonight, yay!

Date:	2008-04-12 21:31
Subject:	i hope u know that she doesnt mean you
Security:	Public
Mood:	giddily tired
Music:	la bamba - richie vallens

Soooo tired.

Been feeling pretty good lately...I'm "leaving" July 8th, so that keeps me pretty content. No more annoying house. No more annoying curfews. No more...blah. And I've been going to the Kingdom Hall every sunday (religion) and that's really having positive effects on me. I'm trying to quit cursing and such...wish me luck lol.

I've been trying to get back in touch with Sean. Remember him? Been ages kinda, I know. I left him a myspace message with my new number and stuff...he text me...and he's called a time or two, but something always happens to interrupt our conversation. I know today he had a step show with Phi Sigma Chi. That's frickin awesome, yo. I wanna go to college =]

I think Tato thinks I'm mad that he was blowing me off for some family member or whatever because I made a snide comment and hanged up...I wasn't really mad though...was just playing around. Oh well, he'll get over it. I'm pretty sure once it all occured, he didn't think of it for more than two seconds anyways. He may be sentimental and sweet, but he's a guy nonetheless...

Today, Yoshi and I went to that Operations Fairy Dust thing. It was lovely. They had like a bagillion dresses and accesories...I've learned that in formal dresses, I'm a size 4...they didn't have a vast variety for size 4, lol...but what they had made due. Maybe I'll post a pic or two later, meh.

So, I'm gonna try to get to computers more because gods, ya don't know how much I miss lj.

Oh, and here's actual proof of the existence of this infamous z/tato character -- it's funny how I look taller than him because he's standing a bit in front of me lol.

lj friends:

just wanted to let you all know that I have been keeping up with every entry...its just without my laptop I dont have as much time as I used to =[

Date:	2008-04-01 18:38
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	bleeding love - leona lewis

I got into COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY!

FULL SCHOLARSHIP!!

IVY LEAGUE!

Oh yeah, oh yeah~

Date:	2008-03-18 19:32
Subject:	cause ignorance is bliss~
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy
Music:	bliss (i dont wanna know) - hinder

I lubb my Angie daughter so much <3

Yeah, Z told Justin that he has "feelings" for me. He handled it well. He sounded kinda emo though. I almost got sad, but then it felt more like screw it, that's life.

Also, let us examine this:

A few minutes ago Justin and I were having this conversation about that lie detector test show "moment of truth." Somehow the convo twisted and he ends up talking about what makes a good partner and what makes him keep/marry a woman. Now, he says, deadass "she gotta be good in bed. That's like almost most important -- along with personality and stuff." And I was like "how is that most important? Shouldn't that be more like icing on the cake?" And he's all "no...its more like batter."

Ok...hahaha. But then I'm all "u thinkin im good in bed is the biggest reason why you kept me around so long?" He answers "yeah. if you weren't I woulda got rid of you. We coulda been friends though." Lol. Nice. Sounds like something that would get me tight, but it actually made me laugh (and not that sarcastic kinda laugh)...because now I'm completely sure not being with him is a really good choice.

*side note : he and I never even partook in intercourse...loser*

Date:	2008-03-17 19:27
Subject:	blow up why dont ya?
Security:	Public
Mood:	irritated

Lj, oh lj. How lucky I am to have you~

My mother is mad at me because I have to use her computer to get school work done. HMMMMMMMMM. Well let us examine the situation. Parent takes away laptop. Parent throws out laptop. Child is in high school. Child has school work. Parent has no choice. Bong. The end.

Toby got accepted into Syracuse. I'm uber happy for him, but y'know all this college news saddens me. I want a frickin letter! Lol. Patience.

I'm sick. Headache. Throat on fire. Sleepy as heck. Oh my, what do I do?

You know what I've come to notice? I hate kids. Moreover these project status kids. The ones with big mouths and nosiness. The ones who swear they are the "ish" and pretend to be 10 years older than they really are. It's disgusting -- and it saddens me that I have to live with one. The thing about this little girl is she's only 12 and she acts so ghetto and disgusting. I know how girls like her turn out. It's a sad case, yo.

Marking period ends wednesday. Only two more left. Only a few months left of school. Time sure does fly.

I hate using this frickin computer. It doesn't feel personal like having a laptop. Kinda sucks, but as of now, I'm not gonna complain about the laptop thing anymore. What's done is done.

If Victor starts some shit, I am going to seriously kick his ass and I don't care about the consequences.

Hmm. I hate being called a certain name...or having it implied that I am a certain way. It not only offends me, but it frickin irks me. But yeah, today it really got to me. I know Tato says otherwise and I talked to Cris about it but, I dunno. Yo no se.

I wanna make a real post. A real real personal post. Later I guess =[

Date:	2008-03-16 18:44
Subject:	closer.passion.stronger
Security:	Public
Mood:	nostalgic
Music:	carry on dancing - savage garden

Ok, so supposedly I have been being a bitch the past two weeks. Suuure. And if I have, then evidently it hasn't stemmed from nowhere. Also, it takes bitchiness to recognize bitchiness. So yeah, that shit is just whatevz.

Anyways:

Tato rocks <3

Blah. I'm apparently sick. Gots me a sore throat, fever, and fatigue. Frickin lovely.

Hmmm. Here's a random thought: I don't want to be loved by he who has loved if it will always constitute comparison. How hypocritical is that? I wonder if it's a common mindset.

That got me to thinking about MW, my first love and how crazily painful the after effect was. I honestly believe most things about me changed after that. I also remember cutting all my hair off (literally) after that. Sad, isn't it? It's kinda funny though, because now when I talk to MW, it's really whatever. Like I'm talking to any random friend. In fact, all I can remember is the pain. I remember being in love, but never the love itself. That pain feels different from this pain I feel on behalf of Justin. Justin's pain is more a pain I try to work past. When I think of Justin, I remember how I loved him and how it was reciprocated. I loved Justin in a more mature way than that which was present with MW. Therefore, I gotta handle it differently. I guess all in all, if I can get pass it once, I can get pass it again --however, of course, differently if I actually chose to get pass it.

I was talking to Justin today and we ended up talking about the past and things we've been through and experienced together -- and he goes "think we'll ever have those experiences again?" and I say "hmm...I dunno." Sad face. Indeed, the hardest part of falling slave to this infamous "love" entity is letting go.

Oh my. How love is wasted on the young!

Lol, I just had a 5 minute think-stare. Que divertido.

My gosh, I forgot to do go out and interview 3 store owners in Brownsville for Radjpaul's homework. Oh boy oh boy.

I'm strengthening my relationship with God. It's a really good feeling. Just talking about religion puts me in a good mood and makes me feel blessed all early in the morning.

Times like this, I wish I had my laptop to type up super long posts. I mean, I have so much to say and spill with only like 15 minutes to do so. Sucky.

I haven't heard back from a single college yet. Sad face. Everyone else has. I think I have a few more SAT scores to send and a frickin css profile to register for. All this ish costs money and money doesnt "grow on trees" [funny how the roles have switched and now I'm making that statement as opposed to my mom]. I mean, it's not like scallywag is around throwing frickin hundreds at me everyday anymore. Eh, whatevz. Everything shall be figured out.


Scallywag is a bum ass bitch

I would so stay home tomorrow if there were more than 2 days left to the marking period. I can't afford to stay home. I have tests and quizzes to makeup for physics. And crap, you know, I just might actually 55 fail precal. I've given him 1/21 homework assignments, didnt get any quizzes, and do poorly on my tests. The homework part is whatever though, because he marks it according to what you get correct as opposed to what you actually answer. Most of the stuff I dont get, so even if I sat there and answered it all, I'd get no credit if majority is wrong. Apparently, effort gets you nowhere.

This world is quite interesting, yo.

Date:	2008-03-15 22:52
Subject:	sing me a song
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy

Spent the day and most of the night at Angie's place. Gods, I love my daughter, yo <3

Yeah, Justin was there too. We watched Spiderman 3 and helped set up and ish. Being around him is kinda funny considering we still finish eachother's sentences and shit -- and like, I'll always go to lay on him or sit on his lap and then remember "oh shit, nevermind." He pulls me on anyways, and then gets this kinda sad face when I pull away. Ho hum.

And oh yeah, we were like seriously talkin for a minute, about blah blah going back out junk...and I jokingly go "yeah, convert to my religion and I'll be yours again." Now, I only said this because he and I are completely different when it comes to religion and I know there's no way in heck he'd be for it. So he gets this deadass look on his face and looks into my eyes and says "I will. I swear I would -- and I'll even follow it better than you do." I'm all "lol, are u serious?" Hmm...guess he was. Eh.

Yeah, and he was all trying to walk me home and ish, but I didnt let him walk me all the way there cuz he has a long enough walk back to the bus and stuff. It was scary though, we were on the phone while he was waiting for the bus and some guys come amd start ish --

K, gettin kicked off. Will finish later or tomorrow.

Date:	2008-03-14 21:19
Subject:	this could break my heart or save me
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad
Music:	sober - kelly clarkson

Three months and I'm still sober~ Remember that song?

It's been 3 months that I've been without him. Crazy, right? Looking over this lj of mine, it's been some journey. Kinda makes me wanna cry because...even when I pretend it doesn't it really kinda hurts. You see, when you plan out your entire future with someone, it isn't the easiest of things to let go of...just as being cheated on isn't either. But trust me, I'm okay lol. Putting my heart back together.

Wow, things are changing drastically...well, not so much, but yeah, things are changing. Social circles are warping and random bitchiness isn't quite surprising anymore. Eh, just means I'm getting older.

I feel weird tonight. A weird I've felt before. I think I felt like this last weekend when I woke up in the middle of the night full of intense anger. Let's hope that doesn't happen again tonight, lol. I doubt though.

I'm sad tonight.

Date:	2008-03-12 19:53
Subject:	dummmmyyyy
Security:	Public
Mood:	creative

I left one of the most important things in the world to me at skewl -- my writing notebook. Shit.

I better find it tomorrow.

Date:	2008-03-08 22:07
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	stop and stare - onerepublic

I want to type. I have a lot to say. I want to spill...and spill...and pour out whatever's inside of me -- whatever it is that's making me feel so hollow and ambivalent. It's sad though. I just don't know what to say...Most of it will probably end up on paper later anyways.

Let's see. My love has been abused. Lovely. I don't really care but yesterday, I felt some kind of pain...some kind of something that made me cry. And not my silent head down with streaming tears kinda cry, but a "im gonna get this out while I cry" type cry. So I called Tato...and I spilled because I knew he would listen. And I didn't regret doing so whether I looked weak or not. Tato knows I cry. He's not stupid.

Now ordinary people would have figured I was so upset because I was with Matt, loved Matt, and now things are all crappy. But no. That's not it. What "it" is is that, no matter how wrong he or anyone for that matter may have treated me, I still will put the emotions of that person before my own. Why, do u ask? Because...well let's face it...I'm a dumbshit... and a sucker for teary eyes. Perhaps I should try closing my eyes and listening to you cry. The same way I do to myself.

I am sick of being unhappy for whatever reason, be it family, friends, school, whatthefuckever. I'm just sick of it. Perhaps, it's time I do something for me. Yup. And I know I say this every other day...I know I tell person after person that "We are responsible for our own happiness and destinies" and don't follow it. There are no guarantees but, I'm going to try. This lifestyle is killing me. Choking me. Suffocating me. If you knew the depths of my myriad emotions, you'd fear for my life as well...but I'm still here, still "trucking [lol]" and since this is all in my hands, I will be okay. Yup.

Besides, I am now 110% sure that in this world of 895263374543 people, there are atleast 2 who actually want to see my smile [myself included].

Date:	2008-03-08 22:06
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	numb

I will bleed into you
Blade to my wrist, I will let the sorrows of my somber heart flow into your parted lips
Dying to taste just a drop of perfection
But only receiving the death of a life once so beautiful
And like an addict, you drink
Sip away at my pain
Attempt to savor the bittersweet melancholies which has shaped my existence
The existence you will love without end
Because you don't know any better

The chair squeaked as the six year old boy rolled it forward some, attempting to find a perfect fit for his body, eyes, and the computer screen. He laid one hand on the freshly torn from the spine sketch paper on his lap, and the other on the black computer mouse, just a tad bigger than his small inexperienced hands. This was the boy's daily routine. Upon returning home from school, he ripped off his outside clothes and ran to the computer to sketch images of figures from one of his favorite television shows, dragon ball z.

After quite some clicking, the young boy found what seemed the be the image he most wanted to sketch. Not looking away from the wild haired cartoon character on the computer screen, he pulled the wheely chair back some, making a distance between himself and the piece of art he was soon to attempt recreating. A few seconds more of staring and he was set to begin. His tiny plump right hand grabbed the only pencil visible on the oakwood desk and within seconds, an outline of the figure on the computer screen was making its way to the no longer solid white sketch paper. With a determined, yet at ease look on his face, the boy drew and drew, only taking breaks to analyze his progress(never to erase) and scratch the itch of his youthful brow.

A few minutes of what seemed forever, and the work was complete. The little boy's eyes darted between the unchanged computer screen and his marvelous adaptation of what he felt so compelled to recreate. After comparing the two for a few seconds, the corners of his lips curved upwards, and he released his grip on the nearly pointless stub of a pencil. He smiled and opened his tiny pink lips to speak. "I love my life" he said with a gentle shake of his head as if perhaps he had discovered a hidden power within himself which he never knew existed. The boy then leapt out of the computer chair, grabbed his art, and ran excitedly to the kitchen to show his mother what he had done. The tired woman smiled at him, taking the sheet of paper from his hands. "Wow! That's wonderful!" she exclaimed, with not the slightest clue that she'd missed the best part. The boy giggled happily and walked away, unaware that years later, the feeling he had felt just a few minutes ago, would be the exact emotion he would later spend years hoping to someday find.